The Dance

First of all I want to say thank you for all your comments and prayers. We really appreciate all of you and wish we could have time with each of you personally to share our stories but unfortunately, this will have to do.

Jeff filled you in on most of the important details concerning the actual delivery so I won't go over those again. I had been worried about Lily for a while so when there was no heart beat, I was not really that surprised. After Rachel was born, I never thought I would get the chance to experience labor. After 3 c-sections, I didn't even consider it a possibility. So when my doctor told me on Wednesday that he thought that inducing labor would be the best option, I was excited. Yes, most of the women reading will think I am crazy at this point, and maybe I am, but I really was. A little scared yes but mostly excited. Yes there were risks involved but since she was small and all my c-sections had been done transverse, Dr. Bennett thought everything would be ok. We would be taking it slowly though just to be on the safe side and they would of course keep a close eye on me.

My mother and sister both have had fast deliveries, so I always expected that if I had been given the chance, mine would be fast too. It was. And after comparing details with a friend who was experiencing something very similar (yes Melissa it is kind of scary and comforting at the same time), I don't think it was just because Lily was small. I only had a handful of contractions that I couldn't talk through and only pushed once but most of the work was done by then. My nurse was awesome and did everything she could to keep me comfortable. Dr. Bennett was actually in another procedure at the time of delivery but had left instructions to be notified when things started to progress for us. He came running into the room as soon as he heard to make sure I was ok. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for that man.

As I was writing everything down in my journal yesterday, I decided I could sum it all up with the words to one very special song, hence the title of this post. This song means a lot to Jeff and I anyway for lots of reasons but it continues to find application in our lives. No, it is not ever easy to "loose" a baby, but when that baby isn't lost, it is a whole lot easier. Jeff and I are both completely at peace. We have our moments but Ashley and Lily have both just brought us closer together and helped us appreciate the little things even more. It is hard to be tearful when I have two beautiful Maughansters that constantly bring a smile to my face. We will always have the memories and Jeff and I both know with all our hearts that someday we will hold our babies close and never have to let go again. Lily chose to go home and be with Ashley and the many others that love her on the other side. I choose to keep on dancing. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.